The Phoenix Pages

You see a beautiful view from the Empire State Building. I saw freedom, opportunity for escape. I said I was going to jump, he said no.  The words fell out of my mouth like a joke but there was a truth to it. I think about death more than I should. I think about ending everything and just saying ehh everyone will be okay eventually. As the thoughts fill my mind, the tears fall from my eyes. Would it be better though? Would the world be happier without me? Will my daughter remember who I am? Would she survive this? I think about her and the children that surround me. They won’t be okay. My daughter will never forgive me, she will eat my death and let it become her. I am her favorite person in the world. The innocence from my nieces and nephews hearts will be taken. Their paths to greatness will now be hindered due to my selfishness. My mom, my dad and my siblings won’t be okay. It will undo all the progress they made to become absolutely amazing adults that they are. They won’t be able to move past me ending my life because they love me so much. So I won’t leave them selfishly but I will continue to think about it every day.